Hello – it’s me. I’ve been gone for quite some time. I haven’t been practicing what I preach – consistency. Consistency is the key to any relationship, especially online relationships and I’ve been gone away from you for far too long. So for that, I am sorry.
There are two main reasons why I’ve been so quiet. First, I needed to reevaluate what I wanted to do with this space and secondly, I needed to crush the crippling self doubt that has been creeping up on me.
REASON #1: CONFUSION
The confusion, oh the confusion. It’s one thing to not know what you want to do but to have too many passions, is equally as frustrating. I didn’t know which direction I wanted to go in life and with this blog so and I felt like I was spinning in a circle and out of control.
I would say, “oh yea, this is definitely what I want to do” and then the next day it would be like, “nope, this is what I want to do”…and that cycle continued for months.
I felt overwhelmed and frustrated and well, I just shut down. I had to sit myself down and say, “what will fill your heart with joy?
Writing and creating content is what fills my heart with joy and so I will do just that.
I’m kind of an all or nothing kind of girl. I kept putting this unnecessary pressure on myself to choose this one path, because that would be the best path to stay on for the rest of my life. But I wasn’t giving myself permission to do and then redo; to learn and to grow; to fail and then fail some more and eventually succeed.
You see, life isn’t binary, it’s not black and white. It’s colorful and ever-evolving and we can evolve and change with it. I admire people who have “it” all figured out. I’m not one of those people and maybe I never will be.
REASON # 2: SELF DOUBT
The second reason why I’ve been away is that I’ve convinced myself that what I want to do is – crazy. And when I let that thought creep in, other thoughts started to flood in like – you’re not good enough, you’ll never be able to make enough money doing what you love, this won’t work…just give up!
For a while, I let those thoughts in. I let them permeate my mind and soul until I realized that they may be right.
And that is ok…
KICKING SELF DOUBT IN THE ASS
Self Doubt #1: You’re Not Good Enough: I may not be good enough but I know damn well that I’m gonna give it my best shot.
We are rarely good at the things we first try, but if we commit to them we’ll eventually get better day by day.
Self Doubt #2: You’ll Never Be Able To Make Money Doing What You Love: Plenty of people follow their dreams and figure it out. I have to give myself the chance the figure it out too.
The lessons I will learn from pushing myself beyond my limits will be invaluable and may lead to amazing opportunities.
Self Doubt #3: This Won’t Work: This may not work and that is a harsh reality but I won’t live with the regret that I didn’t give it my all. I will rejoice in the fact that I didn’t cower in the face of fear and that I didn’t succumb to the comfort of complacency.
Figuring out what I want to do, at least for now, and finally having the courage to do it has been both liberating and scary.