Note To Self: Decide You Want It More Than You’re Afraid of It


Hello, fear. 

You’ve been here for a long time.  I guess you can say we’ve had a love affair for quite some time. 

We have a love/hate relationship.  You love making me doubt myself and I hate myself for letting you do it.

I somehow tricked myself into believing that you were my friend, that somehow you were protecting me.

In church, they say that the word FEAR means – False Evidence Appearing Real. I’ve let fear guide my path for far too long.  I’m gaining the courage to say, “FUCK YOU AND FUCK OFF.”

Not that you won’t creep up in some way, not that I’ll never see you again but I’ve decided that I want it more than I’m afraid of it.

And yes, sometimes that’s hard.  Sometimes I want to give back in and let you take the lead.  I’m learning every day how to push past you.

But you see, I want it all…yes ALL.  All of my wildest dreams.  God didn’t put these visions in my head for no reason.  God keeps asking me, “Are you going to trust me or are you going to give into Fear?  You can’t have it both ways.”

So I’ll keep pushing…praying…believing…because I know that one day I’ll look up and realize that all this heartache, this uncomfortableness was for a reason.



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